Most of my blogs are music related. It's not that I don't have anything worth saying, it's more or less a matter of knowing how to say those things. Today has been an emotional day, and I really don't know the cause for this. Without sounding like a complete sap, I suppose I'm thinking a great deal about boundaries. For those of you who know me, you might agree that I am not the most emotionally available person on the planet. I think the words "frigid" or "ice queen" have been used to describe me. As I am approaching nearly a decade of solitude, mostly by choice, I have started thinking a bit about the crazy thing we all seem to want, can't seem to find, or simply don't understand. Love. To keep with my running theme of song lists, here are songs that I am in love with. Music and I have been in a long-term civil union for 30 years.
"I'm on Fire" by Bat For Lashes
"Everyday" by Buddy Holly
"I'm Your Man" by Leonard Cohen
"Lay Lady Lay" by Bob Dylan
"A Case of You" by Joni Mitchell
"This Will be Our Year" by The Zombies
"That's How Strong My Love Is" by Otis Redding
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Songs to Hula-Hoop To Pt. 3
Today's list features...
"Why I Love You" by Jay-Z and Kanye West
"Hanging on the Telephone" by Blondie (my personal favorite track by the band)
"Waiting For the Bus" by Violent Femmes
"Dizzy Miss Lizzie" by the Flying Lizards
"Starstruck" by Santogold
"Since Yesterday" by Strawberry Switchblade
"I'm in Love With a Girl Named Spike" by Skankin Pickle
"Why I Love You" by Jay-Z and Kanye West
"Hanging on the Telephone" by Blondie (my personal favorite track by the band)
"Waiting For the Bus" by Violent Femmes
"Dizzy Miss Lizzie" by the Flying Lizards
"Starstruck" by Santogold
"Since Yesterday" by Strawberry Switchblade
"I'm in Love With a Girl Named Spike" by Skankin Pickle
Monday, January 16, 2012
A Few More For the Road..
"Oops, Oh My" by Tweet
"Something Bigger, Something Better" by Amanda Blank
"This Must Be the Place" by Talking Heads
"Ex Darlin' by Chris Murray
"Scream" by Misfits
"I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man" by Prince
"Something Bigger, Something Better" by Amanda Blank
"This Must Be the Place" by Talking Heads
"Ex Darlin' by Chris Murray
"Scream" by Misfits
"I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man" by Prince
Songs to Hula-Hoop To
"Bingo" by M.I.A
"Electioneering" by Radiohead
"Dizzy" by Tommy Roe
"Zero" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Search and Destroy" by Iggy and the Stooges
"Boys Wanna Be Her" by Peaches
"I Can't Wait" by Nu Shooz
"9th Wonder" by Digable Planets
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A Letter of Rejection and Other General Failures
As negative as this blog's title may sound, I promise you that the content will not run with this theme entirely. While there is a lot to be stressed out about, there is even more to be thankful for. I understand and appreciate that, but for one tiny chunk of time, I need to let it all out. I suppose that this is a safe place to do that, considering nobody reads this anyhow...
When you finally discover what it is that drives you, makes you feel purposeful, and ultimately captures your attention, it can be a soul-crushing disappointment when it seems impossible to achieve/acquire/reach. In life I have never expected anything specific. I never had a dream of getting married, having children, living in some beautiful house with a dog running around the yard. I suppose that I imagined it would all work out. By "it" I mean life. Somehow, I just assumed that things would unfold in some form, but I never looked beyond the immediate happenings. The ability to work through difficult situations isn't something that is unfamiliar to me. I'm not saying that I've done it more or less than anyone, or in a way that is more effective. In fact, I know that many of my "methods" have proven to cause more harm than good most of the time. However, I simply have always taken the "look ahead until it passes by you like landscape on the horizon" approach. I coined that phrase myself, how about that?
When you finally discover what it is that drives you, makes you feel purposeful, and ultimately captures your attention, it can be a soul-crushing disappointment when it seems impossible to achieve/acquire/reach. In life I have never expected anything specific. I never had a dream of getting married, having children, living in some beautiful house with a dog running around the yard. I suppose that I imagined it would all work out. By "it" I mean life. Somehow, I just assumed that things would unfold in some form, but I never looked beyond the immediate happenings. The ability to work through difficult situations isn't something that is unfamiliar to me. I'm not saying that I've done it more or less than anyone, or in a way that is more effective. In fact, I know that many of my "methods" have proven to cause more harm than good most of the time. However, I simply have always taken the "look ahead until it passes by you like landscape on the horizon" approach. I coined that phrase myself, how about that?
Sunday, August 14, 2011
The Clarity to See and Stop This Now, That is What I've Earned
Last evening I was listening to some Ani DiFranco. No, this isn't a daily thing like it was in high school. While her words still hold so much meaning to me, as a listener, I no longer feel compelled to tap into my emotions on a regular basis. Is this a good thing? Am I avoiding something? Maybe. Maybe I just haven't bothered to listen to a great number of things that I used to enjoy. While listening to Ani, I specifically made it a point to play a song by her that has always had some special meaning. "Manhole" is a song off one of her later albums, but it still has that powerful "YES!" appeal where you find yourself realizing that she's telling your story too. While my story may not be identical to what the song's story has to tell, I feel that there are certain elements that ring true.
I recently have found myself re-entering some sort of social world that I felt excluded from for a long time. The exclusion was my own doing, mind you, but it feels good to be making some new acquaintances. The thing that I wonder, with some of these new-found people and interactions, is what about me is different, and what about me has remained the same? I recently was told, by an old friend, some pretty horrible things about my character.There was a falling out with this person, and as with any falling out, they reserve the right to feel some negative emotions about me as a person. They are entitled to their opinion, and I wouldn't take that away from anyone. However, the power of words, when meant to be used as weapons, can truly crush a part of a person's spirit...if they allow it to. This lead me to evaluate how I handled myself in this given situation. The high road is something that I always intend to take, but somehow along the way, my emotions get the best of me. I let my guard down and show a vulnerable side that, given the opportunity, could be an open door for someone's bad intentions. Ripping the Band-Aid off before the wound heals, so to speak. This time, I decided to not let it get the best of me. I didn't display the usual emotions, and I kept my responses simple. This lack of "old Jessica" behavior threw this individual off. I suppose I have been a rather predictable person when it comes to my inability to just let things go..
What I really want to get at, isn't a specific situation when someone has hurt my feelings. I want to be able to trust my ability to make sound decisions for myself that are based upon what is best. I am a mother, and my job is to take care of another human being. I look out for his best interest, make sure that he learns how to be a part of this world, and to keep him safe. Part of that responsibility includes taking care of myself. Apparently, even when you have a child to take care of, there are those who simply don't care how much of your energy that they suck away. It is my job, not only to take care of my child, but to take care of myself. That is something that I never realized or would probably do, but now that I am in this situation..I see it as a vital part of my survival. It's nobody's job, but my own, to look out for myself. I suppose it's high time I started doing it.
I recently have found myself re-entering some sort of social world that I felt excluded from for a long time. The exclusion was my own doing, mind you, but it feels good to be making some new acquaintances. The thing that I wonder, with some of these new-found people and interactions, is what about me is different, and what about me has remained the same? I recently was told, by an old friend, some pretty horrible things about my character.There was a falling out with this person, and as with any falling out, they reserve the right to feel some negative emotions about me as a person. They are entitled to their opinion, and I wouldn't take that away from anyone. However, the power of words, when meant to be used as weapons, can truly crush a part of a person's spirit...if they allow it to. This lead me to evaluate how I handled myself in this given situation. The high road is something that I always intend to take, but somehow along the way, my emotions get the best of me. I let my guard down and show a vulnerable side that, given the opportunity, could be an open door for someone's bad intentions. Ripping the Band-Aid off before the wound heals, so to speak. This time, I decided to not let it get the best of me. I didn't display the usual emotions, and I kept my responses simple. This lack of "old Jessica" behavior threw this individual off. I suppose I have been a rather predictable person when it comes to my inability to just let things go..
What I really want to get at, isn't a specific situation when someone has hurt my feelings. I want to be able to trust my ability to make sound decisions for myself that are based upon what is best. I am a mother, and my job is to take care of another human being. I look out for his best interest, make sure that he learns how to be a part of this world, and to keep him safe. Part of that responsibility includes taking care of myself. Apparently, even when you have a child to take care of, there are those who simply don't care how much of your energy that they suck away. It is my job, not only to take care of my child, but to take care of myself. That is something that I never realized or would probably do, but now that I am in this situation..I see it as a vital part of my survival. It's nobody's job, but my own, to look out for myself. I suppose it's high time I started doing it.
Ani Said It Best..
I stopped to wonder the other day, if the disconnect between being an individual woman and a mother was something that all women experienced after giving birth. Does the feeling of being a completely separate
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